46250004, originally uploaded by ¥50.

I was woken two hours earlier than I wanted to be by yelling.


While I was at work, I contemplated on a situation that occurred to me some time back. More around a year ago or so.
Someone told me that they "really liked" me but they "didn't want a relationship."

If I was Meursault, I wouldn't care.

Contemplating it agitated me. It wasn't like there wasn't an opportunity, or freedom to pursue a relationship--it was just that it wasn't desired.

I told Andrew; I likened it to something along the lines of going to an ice cream parlor with a bunch of money, and going "I really like ice cream, but I don't want any right now" and just standing there.

The most useless people in the world just stand there. If they were waiting for a friend, I would forgive them. If they expect action rather than cause it, then they're useless.



And anyway, what's the point in telling someone else about how you like them if you don't want a relationship? If you want something else, say that you want something else, rather than making a spectacle of it.

People need to be a tad more objective with expressing themselves.

46250009, originally uploaded by ¥50.

Actionsampler.

Earlier today I went to the camera store. The place had bad customer service, and the lenses that weren't $80+ were very cheaply made. I guess that should be expected for lenses, but they were for film instead of digital, so they weren't that well for use anyway.


I'm a little lost.

One Little, Two Little..., originally uploaded by ¥50.

I went to bed earlier. I was expecting to wake up earlier. I was also expecting that by waking up earlier I'd have time to finish up on a few things. Instead, I ended up sleeping longer than I hoped, and woke up with a terrible headache. One that felt as though I spent too much time yawning, or holding my breath.

I still woke up 5 minutes to my alarm.

The last few days, I've been feeling like I've bordered on a zombie-like essence. The times I seem to fall asleep later than I should, the sun seems to have awaken me hours before I need to. My room would be so hot that I would have trouble breathing properly. My skin would be so hot that I would just get irritated by any position I would try to fall back asleep in.


About a month ago, I got half of the finished rolls of film I'm in possession of developed. I haven't been able, for some reason or another, to get a hold of the prints up until last week. As I flipped through all of them (the math is 6 rolls minus 2 rolls that were screwed up, so 4) nothing particularly of interest struck me--except one photo, near the last batch of them, which was neither that interesting either compositionally or even in technical matters. It was the subject matter that struck me.

The picture was of someone that I never figured I'd see again. It wasn't like the person had perished, died. I just felt that like most of the people I've encountered in my life, they played a kind of bit part.

I was suddenly awash with melancholy. Not that I missed the person, that I wanted to see them again. It's more of the pathos of things. I realized then about how depressing photography really is to me.

What's there, beyond a simple chemical reaction between light and emulsion? Simply light, photons from a fraction of a second (around 120th of a second, usually, maybe smaller) a state of matter at that time, brief.



I'll never see that person again. Not that I want to, but in photograph.

23600010, originally uploaded by ¥50.

...